• Posted on:July 14th, 2008
• Comments:No Comment
• Category:Coolest. Thing. Ever.

You have not known joy as a pet owner, namely an owner of a pet who sheds constantly, until you have used The Furminator.

Yes, many have used it with excellent results. I first read about it on Jon Armstrong’s blog (sorry, can’t find the link now). I thought, this would be a wonderful tool for Tobie, Scott’s Joint Custody Golden Retriever.

Ah, she may only spend part of the time with us, but her fucking hairballs are here 365 days a year. This is because Tobie spends most of her time in a home where she is never brushed, though honestly I wonder if it even makes a difference with this dog. Don’t get me wrong, goldens are sweet, friendly, loyal dogs, but they are constantly losing hair everywhere, on your sofa, on the kitchen floor, on your pants if you are on your way to a job interview and you’re wearing your expensive black wool suit.

On one of our trips to The Big City, aka Duluth, MN, we stopped in a Petco to pick up dog food for the other two shitheads and thought we’d see if they had any Furminators. I’d seen the videos online, but I hadn’t checked out price. Near the front of the store, a TV was showing a promotional video for the tool, so we stopped to watch a few minutes of this wundertool and were sold. Then we looked at the price for a large furminator, which was more than I paid for my first car. And we left the store furminator-less, agreeing to think a little more about whether or not we wanted to pay for this seemingly overpriced hair rake.

Now granted, I didn’t pay much for my first car. The bill of sale (it was my Grandma’s old car) probably said $10. But still. Seventy bucks? For a dog brush?

When we got back to our double-wide in the country, which is really a big old house in the Projects of Laurium (I jest; we’re just on the more economically challenged side of town), Scott did some eBaying and found we could grab one of these for way less. Like $50 less. So he bid. And he won. And a few weeks later, our discount Furminator arrived, sans packaging, but also sans enormous price tag.

Tobie travels with The Kid, so weeks will go by before we see him during the summer. They both arrived tonight. Normally I’m thinking about things like is the house clean if his mother actually enters the house when she drops him off? (It wasn’t by the way. I noticed, after she left, that Abby so graciously dropped a turd underneath the piano. THANKS.)

But tonight, the only thing on my mind was The Furminator, and after everyone left, we went to work.

Tobie’s got a pretty thick coat, so I wondered if it would even get through to the undercoat. I let Scott have the honors and after three swipes down her back, it was full of hair. It’s not exactly effortless – we had to put a slight bit of muscle into it, without hurting her, of course – but this baby does what it says it will do.

Tobie seemed quite calm during the entire procedure, only getting a little antsy toward the end of what was probably a 20 minute session. She needs a few more before I think she’ll be good to go for a few days at a time, but the photos don’t lie. This is the hair I’m usually breathing up my nose.

Also, Scott models What Not To Wear When Furminating a Golden Retriever.

The last thing I want to say about this is that we’ll take her outside for her next furminating. I’m also considering giving their shampoo/conditioning products a try for her. She gets incredible matted hair messes down by her back legs that no brush is ever going to pass through. I figure we could at least bathe her when she’s here, since the other responsible parties are, well, not so responsible.

Tobie’s happy, we’re happy. I believe we have a winner.

The rest of the flickr set is here.