Tonight is one of those times when I am going in with a positive attitude — half full glasses all around! — because grad league softball season is beginning.
I normally look forward to this, but we’re under new management this year, have some new faces on the team, one of whose I cannot see without picturing his ball sac hanging out of some very short running shorts he wore a few summers ago while he was perched up on the side of a truck bed, legs spread eagle. I’m still seeking therapy.
There is also a new guy on the team last name I cannot see without thinking PUBES! because his name, upon first glance, looks more like PUBES! than his actual last name. I can’t recall if I’ve met this dude before, but how am I going to get through an entire summer with this kind of mental imagery? Please GOD let him not have curly hair.
It should also be noted that for my pre-game dinner, I am eating phallic shaped meat. Softball + hot beef = the true start of summer.
LATER
Turns out PUBES! does not have curly hair and holy man, can he hit a softball.
Also of note: Scott is one of three white people on the team. The rest come from Asia and Latin America. Call us Team UN. It’s frigging sweet.
